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Have you had a friend that you often tease about his “flavor for the month” when it comes to women? You can bet he might be with a lovely young woman in August, but you won’t see her come New Years Eve. Do you have a friend who seems to be hunted and never the hunter?
That pattern repeats itself in many marriages during MLC. Some MLCers expect and secretly hope you will chase them either because they like the game or they need reassurance, but many others want you to leave them alone.
Why is the pursuer-distancer dance so damaging to an intimate relationship?
One partner becomes increasingly unhappy with his/her partner – feeling that their needs for intimacy aren’t being met.
Either my coaching client doesn’t have a primary love relationship (and would like one), or they have one but it has some challenges.
In the case of clients who already have relationships but are dissatisfied with them, they either want to work on the relationship or they don’t. Or a flip/flop and combo of these two occurs (with both partners going back and forth on their positions).
As the child grows older, the type of attachment shown at 12 months could also be seen at 18 months.